What Are Pronouns?

Pronouns are the words you may like others to use for you in place of your proper name.

Some examples include “she/her” or “he/him” or gender-neutral pronouns, such as “ze/hir,” [pronounced: zee/heer] or “they/them”. Some people use specific pronouns, any pronouns, or none at all.

Here is an example of using “they/them” in a sentence:

“John is a Foster in the community, and they are an incredible advocate.”

Using singular “they” pronouns has been used in the English language for centuries. If you are still struggling with using this, remember that it takes practice.

Why Focus on Pronouns?

You may have noticed that people are sharing their pronouns in introductions, on name tags, and at the beginning of meetings. This gives everyone the opportunity to self-identify, rather than assuming someone’s identity or the pronouns they use. Including pronouns is a first step toward respecting people’s identity and creating a more welcoming and affirming space for people of all genders, particularly for LGBTQ2S+ Fosters who are often overrepresented in the child welfare system and may experience discrimination.

How Is This More Inclusive?

Pronouns can sometimes be a signifier for someone’s gender identity, but not always. We do not want to assume people’s gender identity based on expression (typically shown through clothing, hairstyle, mannerisms, etc.) By providing an opportunity for people to share their pronouns, you’re demonstrating that you’re not assuming their gender identity is based solely on their appearance, and you are creating a more affirming environment for all.

What If I Don’t Want to Share My Pronouns?

That’s ok! Providing space and opportunity for people to share their pronouns does not mean that everyone feels comfortable sharing their pronouns. Some people may choose not to share their pronouns for a variety of reasons, e.g,. they are questioning or using different pronouns, they don’t use any pronouns, they don’t feel comfortable sharing them at that moment or in that space, or they fear bullying or harassment after sharing, especially within sensitive environments like the child welfare system. In the case that someone has left pronouns off their nametag or chosen not to share their pronouns, please refrain from using pronouns for that person and refer to the person by their name.

Mistakes and Misgendering

Misgendering refers to the experience of being labeled by others with a gender that is different from the one a person identifies with. Because many (not all) associate their pronouns with their gender identity, using the wrong pronouns intentionally or unintentionally is a form of misgendering. If you accidentally use the wrong pronoun when identifying someone, please apologize or say “thank you”, and immediately use the right pronoun.

i.e., This is Alex, she is one of our Foster leaders. (you are corrected because Alex uses they/them/theirs pronouns). Sorry, they are one of our Foster leaders. Or Thank you, they are one of our Foster leaders.

Everyone makes mistakes; please take accountability for your mistake and continue using the correct pronoun. The important thing to be mindful of is not to unload your guilty feelings on transgender, nonbinary, and gender nonconforming people or expect forgiveness. They might have a strong reaction to the misuse of their pronouns and need space to recenter themselves.

What About PGP?

There has been a shift away from the term “preferred gender pronoun” or “PGP” to just using “pronoun.” This change was made because a person’s pronouns are not just preferred; they’re the pronouns that must be used. In the same sense as mentioned earlier, gender was removed because pronouns do not always reflect or indicate someone’s gender.

Tips for Gender-Neutral Language:

Practice, practice, practice! Use gender-neutral pronouns such as “they” and “ze” while visualizing the person who uses them. This is especially useful to do right before you’re about to see the person.

When addressing groups of people or people whose pronouns you haven’t been told, use gender-neutral language such as, “siblings,” “Foster,” “Fosters,” “friends,” “folks,” “all,” or “y’all,” rather than “brothers and sisters,” or “guys,” “ladies,” “ma’am,” or “sir.”

Use descriptive language if you do not know a person’s gender, pronouns, or name. e.g. Can you give this report to the person across the room with the blue shirt and short hair?

Share this resource with others to open conversations and support, ensuring you engage in a respectful manner that acknowledges people’s identities and pronouns. Growing and learning take time! Educate, engage, emend!

Other resources from Foster Advocates for supporting LGBTQ2S+ Fosters:

• Minnesota Promise

• LGBTQ2S+ Fosters Know Your Rights Guide!

• Read our New Voices op-ed in the Star Tribune

• View the LGBTQ+ and Two-Spirit Fosters Photovoice gallery